If you don't know who this guy is, we here at TSWCAtS would hate to ruin your day by telling you.

If you really do want your day ruined, though, imagine a montonous text-to-speech bot saying the following to this guy

"dr satan i have a cancer heal my cancer u skrub"

And now that I've ruined your day by giving a half-assed explanation for what the TSWCAtS edition of Microsoft Sam is, I will proceed to drown my sorrows in water bottles and granola bars.